You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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