i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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