so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
