i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize