you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
