In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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