OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
