is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
