help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
