do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
