Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
