you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize