we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
