she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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