If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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