clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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