i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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