i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
