I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
