Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
