so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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