Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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