I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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