Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
