Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
