I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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