hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dear god my vagina.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
