My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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