first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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