I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
