I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
