is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
