Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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