She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
