How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
