Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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