I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
