I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize