i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
