Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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