Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
