I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
