If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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