Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
