a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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