I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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