dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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