This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
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So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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