I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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