i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
