he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
