I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
