Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
