she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
