Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
