I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
