We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
