jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She said her name was "party"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
