You really coming over, don't trick.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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