I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize