Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
