I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
