Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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