I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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