Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
