I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
