Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
