just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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