my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
