there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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