He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
