dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
