You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
