dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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