I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
