That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
