I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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